Luangliam More than words

The Lost Love

She sat across the triangular table we shared in a small cafe, looking straight into my eyes. Tears started to form in her eyes and then slowly made their ways down on her cheeks. Then she blinked! Yea, I won. I remember how we stole away from the basketball game and went to that cafe. Saturday afternoon in November, a perfect time for imperfect people to fall in love.

Once we reached the cafe, we ordered coffee and sat at the corner-most table. We had been friends since we met on the admission day at the college and had been hanging out together. As we sat waiting for coffee I challenged her for an eye to eye staring contest, something I’m really good at. Have you ever met someone in your life who you felt can look through into your very being, right into your soul. To me that someone was her. As we sat staring into each other’s eyes, trying not to blink, something was being revealed to me. It was far from the kind of revelation John had in the Bible, but rather a simple yet sweet and meaningful one, which since then changed my perception of love and life itself. Yes, I realized that I was in love with my best friend. Scary huh!

That Saturday evening, I was in a dilemma. A decision had to be made and a risk had to be taken. Like Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Prince of Denmark ‘to be or not to be’ was the question. The stake was not a small thing. I knew just too well how our friendship could turn sour, how we could become strangers! But the urge I felt, the need to let it out was just too strong. I had arrived at impasse.

With a heavy fear-laden heart, I went to the PCO on the ground floor of our Hostel, picked up the phone and called her number. Her aunt answered the phone and announced “It’s your phone El”. At that moment, I seriously thought of keeping the phone back and run outside before the whole world crashes on me. But, miraculously nothing of that sort happened. I held onto the phone. An unfamiliar chill ran through my body and I trembled. Then, I heard her voice, “Hello”.

“It’s me”, I said, “I’m just calling to say ‘hi’.”

“Okay. Hiiii..” she replied as cheerful as always. She paused for a moment then, and continued, “So, what’s up?”

At that moment, I wanted to say so much that I called her just to say ‘I love her’ but I chickened out, so I said, “I’m good. I was just thinking, maybe you would like to go for swimming tomorrow, after class”. I did not know who I was kidding! It was November in Shillong! Crinoline swimming pool where we used to go for swimming was closed. But, there was no time to take back what I just said! “Swimming! You’re kidding right? James, are you out of your mind?” she shot back. I had to think a way out quickly so I replied, “ Yeah, I know..I was kidding. You know, I just wanted to talk to you”.

“Yea?”

“Okay, what about this..let’s just hang out at Hyderi Park after class. Will see you, bye”. I put the phone down before she could say anything. Mission failed!

I felt terribly bad about myself then. I walked to my room, pulled the chair near the only window there was and sat quietly, staring into the darkness. I could almost hear the ‘lub dub lub dub’ sound of my heart, which was at the verge of explosion!

Around 2:00 p.m. the next day, I was waiting for her near the college main gate where we usually meet after classes. I still didn’t have any plan on how to let out my feelings to her, how to tell her. I knew that I was heading for a disaster which was looming closer every minute and, I was still rushing into it!

On our way to the Park I was oddly quiet. She did notice and asked if I was okay to which I casually replied, “Never better”, and tried real hard to hide my anxiety. When we reached the park it was almost 4:00 p.m. There were only few people there. She walked ahead of me, straight to an old swing and started to swing. I sat beside the swing and watched her swinging. Then I took out a notebook from my bag and started to draw something on it. After awhile, she came off the swing and sat beside me. I quickly closed my notebook before she had time to see my drawing.

“What have you been drawing?” she asked.

“Nothing”

“Come on, I know that you’ve been drawing something. Show me”. She grabbed my notebook and pulled. But I seriously did not want to let it go and so, held on to it. Then there was the wager.

“Let’s play a game then. I’ll tell you a secret if you let me see your drawing”. Saying this she looked at me and smiled coyly. I laughed. It was very much of her to propose the same. She always did that. I said ‘okay’ and asked her to go first. She hesitated for a moment and then told me that she had a crush on a boy from a college near her aunt’s house. I knew the boy – a basketball player, tall and handsome. I felt I had been struck right on my face by something big and hard. I was shaken. I didn’t remember how I answered when she asked me ‘what did I think of him’. I guessed I said something like ‘a great guy’.
“Okay” she said as she exhaled. “It’s your turn to show me your drawing”. I stood abruptly and kept the notebook in my bag while forcing a smile at her. “Let’s go home lover”.

Ten years have passed since then. Sometimes I still wonder how things might have turned out had I shown her what I drew on my notebook, that winter afternoon in November.

(Saptawngin kan ziak leh khut thin a..lo dawh hram hram teh u – James Famkima)

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19 comments

TuaiSialA February 2, 2012 at 7:09 AM

Chhiar ang!

Levi February 2, 2012 at 7:57 AM

Inthlahrung suh 😀 I ziak thiam hle mai. I sap tawng hman hi ka duh zawng tak. (Y) Chu thu a hriat lai tak chuan tuboh kg. 5 vel a chhut lolh ang vel a nih ka ring. That awkward moment when…. :-O

aduhi February 2, 2012 at 8:02 AM

The biggest question in life is “What if?”

Saptawnga thuziah hi ka encourage e, copy & Paste tlawrh ni lo ho. (Y)

PKfanai February 2, 2012 at 8:33 AM

‘a perfect time for imperfect people to fall in love,’ tih khi a mawi reuh lutuk. Duh tak te hi an zahawm duh riau.

XaiA February 2, 2012 at 8:39 AM

Eng tak draw ang che maw…suspense in min dah reng thei a,a tha hle mai.

Soberboy February 2, 2012 at 9:16 AM

chhiar hrih lo teh ang 😀

VaiVa February 2, 2012 at 9:46 AM

Zan lam chhiar atan ka va duh e. Zing kar kara kan chhiar zawh tho chu le. Han bei zel teh khai! (Y)

coolsoul09 February 2, 2012 at 9:50 AM

@VaiVa, nia..a chhuah hun hi duhthu chu a sam zat lo deuh..chawhnu lam tal ni se..a zia mai thei..noi to admins.

Tete-i February 2, 2012 at 9:56 AM

Nice story, i love to read this kindof story…
What if? even if ten long years has gone,i just wish they find their way back into love..

ChaoticSerenity February 2, 2012 at 10:15 AM

nice writing. you should write more 🙂

Sandman February 2, 2012 at 11:57 AM

Ohhhhhh! So that was YOU? No wonder El was so distracted that day. I mean… I couldn’t spend enough time with her that entire week because I had my basketball matches, but that particular day she kept uttering about somebody not showing her a drawing or something like that. But she changed the topic whenever I asked her what was bothering her. Dayyymmm bro, I’m really sorry! If only I knew you had such strong feelings for her, I wouldn’t have… sawi hnem vak lo mai ang…

coolsoul09 February 2, 2012 at 12:15 PM

Next story will be ‘Love Regained’Sandman..so.. 😀 lo uang hrih suh 😉

OT. Here’s something you may like to hear. Our Computer teacher is real bad in pronunciation. Yesterday, I had a class with IG students right after ICT and they were like ” That was fun! He (ICT teacher) said ” Don’t bring your own hard DIKS to school”…

Jacka Pi February 2, 2012 at 1:54 PM

(Y) Mr.Sandman lol in sawi luh ve leh tum bawk si….interesting read…

sheldon170 February 2, 2012 at 2:59 PM

It reminds me of a novel I’ve read ‘A lost love’…good reading.

hltau February 2, 2012 at 3:22 PM

saptawnga ziah hi a tha alom, publish don pohin, leitu a ngah deuh ang chu..ngaihnawm khop mai han ziak zel teh

ReMpYâ„  February 2, 2012 at 4:21 PM

and what might have been written on that paper? Hehe..anyway, losers gonna lose. Had u realise that u’re already on the verge of losing her,which sure did happen eventually, u’d have the guts to take the last shot, telling how you feel for her..but u didn’t, and like i said, u so lose her.. Sad
#12, that’s common of naga tribes’ accent..like aks for asks, alaram for alarm etc 🙂

Sandman February 2, 2012 at 4:31 PM

Rempy: What was written on the paper? On the paper he had written this extremely romantic poem describing all the hidden feelings he had for her…

Alu 2 kg
Tomato 1 kg
Purun sen
Zikhlum 4-5 vel
Bawnghnute packet 1

ReMpYâ„  February 2, 2012 at 4:44 PM

@sandy, 😀 actually, he was scribbling this funny picture, which illustrated the real feeling he had 4 her. It was just not suitable to be shown.. http://www.threadbombing.com/data/thumbnails/74/FFFUUUUU__by_AmyJusta.jpg 😀

chhangteval February 2, 2012 at 9:31 PM

Friendship lasts longer than a romantic relationship 🙂

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